877-milk-now
I’m a bottle maker, diaper changer, laundry folder, dishwasher…. wife and mother…. as tired and lonely as I’ve ever been. I suppose that now I can go out on occasion and drink with friends or go to bars, but now I’m stuck in the house all day every day. I could go shopping or something, but it’s hard to do with a baby. and I can’t do anything that would require me to set her down. I haven’t had my eyebrows waxed in 2 months… gross.
now the baby smells like poop.
I hate my life sometimes.
no beer and no tv make homer something something…
I seriously feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. Right now I’m trying to remember the last time I really had a fun day or evening, and I can’t think of anything. sure, there are moments of giggles or mildly stimulating conversation, but the sad truth is that I cannot think of a day where I was truly entertained, felt good and had a nice time for anything longer than a brief moment.
Movies are a nice distraction, but I have never been much of a TV girl. I’d rather DO something or GO someplace. I like seeing new things, hearing things, talking about things. I need things. and places. and people. I’m so lonely.
sometimes I feel like nothing I say or do matters, like I’m background noise. I’m an afterthought, if I’m thought of at all. nobody calls me or texts me or talks to me. I get excited over facebook notifications, but they typically only let me know that another person commented on So-and-so’s status, and actually has nothing to do with me.
I’ve been like this before, felt isolated and alone. It’s never been this bad though. I’ve realized that the “fun” my friends, and coworkers, and husband enjoy involves drinking 99% of the time. If I’m not willing to sit up all night, sober and largely overlooked (except by crazies and total strangers) then I miss out on the very little social interaction that is ever offered to me. I’m alone a lot. I sleep alone a lot. I have stopped counting how often I lock the door and make sure the porch light is on before I go to bed.
I want something more, but I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know how to go about getting it.
that was quick
Only about a week to go here in Cedar Rapids. That sure did go by quickly. I guess I’ve been back and forth between here and home a lot. Lots of doctor’s appointments and the like. When I get home the real work begins.
I have my 100 dog practicum to do.
spring cleaning and revamping the house.
need to start seriously thinking about, buying, organizing, and obsessing over baby stuff.
get married.
GAH!
Day one
My first full day in Cedar Rapids, IA.
1 down, 26 to go… *sigh*
this hotel lied about having breakfast available from 6-9 AM, there was nothing down there but coffee. Also, there is no bath tub in my room. I’m pissed. >:(
I’m all lonely and sad, and I’ve only been gone for 27 hours. I can’t wait to get this day over with so that I can go home for my doctor’s appointment tomorrow and see my beloved baby daddy. It’s hard to sleep alone, especially in a new place.
Granted, I’ve slept alone plenty of times in the last few months. A night or two is one thing, but I’m not sure I can handle this at a week at a time. It’s sad.
I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do though. this is going to give me the oppurtunity to make significantly more money. Then Dan’s got this new job that could really set us up for success. I’m so proud of him. I think things will be ok.
I’ve been watching “A Baby Story” on TLC all morning and it’s getting me all emotional and excited for tomorrow. It’s sort of scary sometimes, and it’s not something I ever thought I would be so happy about. I can’t wait to start raising our little guppy with the man of my dreams. He’s trying so hard to make things better for us.
*swoon*
Peachy Keen Jellybean
If you follow my facebook you have no doubt seen pictures of our new baby German Shepherd Dog, Peach… Formally known as Peachy Keen Jellybean RO. She’s AKC and UKC registered and comes from a pretty long line of working dogs.
I’m going to get her into obedience and agility competition, maybe try out the UKC dog show circuit (she’s not showable in AKC because she’s white.)
She’s a cute little patoot… but pretty naughty. She’s constantly finding new ways to get into trouble. I have to admire her tenacity.
In other news…
The new job is going well I think. I did cut myself really badly the other day though. Ouch. Other than that it’s pretty fun. The other girls in the grooming salon are nice and funny and almost as inappropriate as I am. Yesterday my boss and I had a conversation about how drinking alone was the only way to do it, because social drinkers are really just amatuers trying to keep up with eachother in a bar. 
I’m probably in the bars a lot more than I should be, but I feel like there isn’t anything else to do. I know that living back in the QC affords me plenty of chances to do whatever I like, but nothing seems interesting when it is actually time to figure out a plan for the night. work, drink, watch CSI and/or Law & Order……that’s my life….oh, and there’s some lovin’ thrown in the mix too. Oh, and raising naughty dogs…
fancy date
Last night Dan and I went out on a fancy double date. Expensive dinner and a movie, then cocktails. I really need to stop drinking so much. Ugh, my head hurts…
I am now trying to decide if I should bring the dog into the house before or after I get up and take a shower. Probably before… I don’t want him to eat anybody.
Speaking of dogs…
I got a new job. I start working in the Petsmart grooming dept. on Monday. woo hoo.
I don’t feel like blogging much right now. Off to the shower
