no beer and no tv make homer something something…
I seriously feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. Right now I’m trying to remember the last time I really had a fun day or evening, and I can’t think of anything. sure, there are moments of giggles or mildly stimulating conversation, but the sad truth is that I cannot think of a day where I was truly entertained, felt good and had a nice time for anything longer than a brief moment.
Movies are a nice distraction, but I have never been much of a TV girl. I’d rather DO something or GO someplace. I like seeing new things, hearing things, talking about things. I need things. and places. and people. I’m so lonely.
sometimes I feel like nothing I say or do matters, like I’m background noise. I’m an afterthought, if I’m thought of at all. nobody calls me or texts me or talks to me. I get excited over facebook notifications, but they typically only let me know that another person commented on So-and-so’s status, and actually has nothing to do with me.
I’ve been like this before, felt isolated and alone. It’s never been this bad though. I’ve realized that the “fun” my friends, and coworkers, and husband enjoy involves drinking 99% of the time. If I’m not willing to sit up all night, sober and largely overlooked (except by crazies and total strangers) then I miss out on the very little social interaction that is ever offered to me. I’m alone a lot. I sleep alone a lot. I have stopped counting how often I lock the door and make sure the porch light is on before I go to bed.
I want something more, but I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know how to go about getting it.
